Nyah Wars!
by Megaman-X-Gold
Summary: Star Wars in a parellel universe where human-like Cats are the main characters. Do I really need to say more?


Once upon a time...In an MSN IM, far, far away...  
  
NO! Meowan-Nyobi! Donsa yousa gosies on mesas!!  
Don't you see, nyoke, you MUST master the Purorce!  
Get the Light Clawber and defeat Darth Hissnar!  
For is the most powerful of the hissith!  
But what about YOU, master meowda? Meowan-Nyobi shall be gone, don't you leave me too!  
Fuck up shut the, young Nyoke. Get the Light Clawber, you must. Dumb fuck. Err... Fuck dumb.  
Nyoke: I shall find the Light Clawber! Or my name isn't Luke Skywalker!!  
Meowan-Nyobi: It isn't...  
Nyoke: Oh yeah...  
*Nyoke turns around* Oh there it is.  
*Meowan-Nyobi and Meowda's jaws both drop to the floor*  
Nyoke: Who would have thought it would have been lying in this statue all this time?  
Meowda: Yes, would have who thought of that? *glares at Meowan-Nyobi*  
Meowan-Nyobi: What?  
Nyoke jumps into his M-Pawing and flies off to the Death Flea!  
Which is, of course, the Giant Flea powerful enough to destroy an entire...something...we don't know yet.  
  
Memperor: It can destroy planets! Planets I say!  
Narrator: Yeah...suuuuuuuure it caaaaaaan.  
  
Nyoke flies off an lands on Nyaboo...  
Meow2Nyah2: Bleep, bleeeeeeeep, bleep, meow, bleep.  
Nyoke: Did you just meow?  
Meow2Nyah2: Bleep, bleep.  
Nyoke: Oh, okay. And you're right, I did land on the wrong planet. Oops.  
Meow2Nyah2: Meow, Bleep, bleep.  
Nyoke stares at M2N2...  
And off Nyoke goes again! Jumping into is M-Pawing again, and flying off to Nyatoocleene! Which looks horribly familiar to Tatooine, except that it's not sand, it's KITTY LITTER!!!  
  
At That Moment...  
Princess Lickselfa was happily cleaning herself, as she was confined to her little room on the Death Flea, not really caring about being rescued, she found a nice comfy spot in the room and fell asleep.  
Darth Hissnar comes in..."It's time you tell us...oops...Shh..she's sleeping, we'll just come back later."  
(Narrator: What the? Isn't he--  
Darth Hissnar: Shut up..)  
  
All of a sudden, the nearby Nyo Claestroyer suddenly blew up! Dunno why though, it just did.  
Maybe it was because the captain of that ship was being amused by Catnip, and accidentally hit the Self-Destruct button. Well...probably not, you decide. Wow that was good catnip though. *sigh*  
  
Nyoke has now reached and landed on Nyatoocleene! As he opened the Pawing latch, a bunch of hair whizzed in...  
Nyoke: Wow! Nyatoocleene has too clean of air for a place filled with Kitty Litter!  
M2N2: You stupid fuck, why do you, er, I mean, bleep, bleeeeeep, bleep, bleep!  
Nyoke: Wha?  
M2N2: Nothing.  
Nyoke: Oh okay...  
Nyoke: Uh...  
M2N2: Bleep, bleep bleep, bleep.  
Nyoke: So then..I should be off then.  
  
  
  
Nyoke then when to go check out the nearest establishment.  
Nyoke: This place seems familiar.  
Bartender: Nyoke, I am your FATHER!  
Nyoke: What?  
Bartender: Nothing, just foreshadowing.  
Nyoke: Oh okay.  
  
Captain Jean-Luc Meowcard: Where are we?  
Commander Nyokotay: I think we're in the wrong fic..  
Dianna Matroy: This is Nyah Wars, not Meow Trek!!  
DaMeowta: Opening a quantum rift captian!  
Captian Meowcard: Meowgage!  
  
Darth Hissnar: Who were they?  
Weapons officer: I dunno.  
Darth Hissnar: Oh okay.  
Weapons Officer: Aren't you going to kill me?  
Darth Hissnar: Doesn't say so here.  
Weapons Officer: Oh, that's a typo in the script.  
Darth Hissnar: Oh, okay, I see... -SWIPE-  
Weapons Officer: Gaaaaaaagh *dies*  
  
Memperor: Darth Hissssnar, learn the--  
Darth Hissnar: Two s's.  
Memperor: What? Oh, sorry...Darth Hissnar, learn the Purorce! My young pawdowan learner...  
Darth Hissnar: I'm young?  
Memperor: I didn't want to insult you.  
Darth Hissnar: Oh, okay, thanks.  
Memperor: No problem.  
  
And At THAT Moment:  
????: You need a ship I hear?  
Nyoke: Yes, on that's...  
????: You need my ship *waves hand around*  
Nyoke: I need your ship.  
????: Okay, I'll get you to where you need to go.  
Nyoke: Aren't you from Star Wars?  
Han Solo: Shit, how'd you know?  
Nyoke: When did YOU learn the force?  
Han Solo: I gotta pick stuff up after hangin' with Luke so long, don't I?  
Nyoke: Good point.  
  
Nyoke: Which is stronger, the force or the Purorce?  
Han Solo: How am I supposed to know? I just got here.  
Nyoke: Oh, okay.  
Han Solo: Wait, how'd you know I used the---  
Nyoke: You still need more practice.  
Han Solo: Oh...okay, thanks.  
  
Nyoke: Did you bring a light saber by any chance?  
Han Solo: Nah, Luke wouldn't let me have a go at it.  
Nyoke: Was he afraid you'd break it?  
Han Solo: More like vaporize it.  
Nyoke: I know what ya mean.  
  
  
Bartender: Nyoke, I AM YOUR MOTHER!!!  
Nyoke: What?  
Bartender: Nothin', just using another Literary Device.  
Nyoke: Oh, okay.  
Han and Nyoke quickly decide to leave asap from the planet, as it was inviting their curiosity to take a dump and see if it smelt...Anywho, so they got into the Millenium Catnyan (renamed and made smoother looking, he also stole some technology from the Meow Trek series)  
and they blasted off!  
Han Solo: Time for Hyper-Hyper-Hyper-Hyper Speed!  
Nyoke: You might as well say Ultra Hyper Speed, or Hyper Speed 4.  
Han Solo: ...hyper-hyper-hyper-hyper speed... *Han glared*  
Nyoke: Okay, okay. Hyper-Hyper-Hyper-Hyper Speed.  
  
Han and Nyoke continued off, and headed for Mealderan!  
Their plan is to find the legendary Clawdi Knight's Claw Ring! For their wearer's Light Clawber will have it's power enhanced by many times! And so shall become the Lord of the Cladi Knight's Ring!  
  
Han and Nyoke walk out of the department store.  
Nyoke: That was easy.  
Han: Yeah, could you believe the collection?  
Ring of the Lava.  
Ring of the Kai.  
Ring from Lord of the Rings.  
Good thing they still had one left of the one we wanted.  
Nyoke: Yeah..  
Han: Think it's a fake?  
Nyoke: Naaaaaaaaah.  
  
Nyoke uses the purorce to send a signal to the M-Pawing, which M2N2 (really a midgit in a can, hehe) notices and flies the M-Pawing to Nyoke's location!!  
Han Solo: It's time we finish this off quick.  
Nyoke: I agree.  
(Narrator: Quick my ass! Oops, silly me)  
Nyoke jumped into the M-Pawing, and Han into the Millenium Catnyan (yes, with Chewbacca), and they flew off, heading for the Death Flea! What they didn't know however, is that the Death Flea was already headed for them as well!!  
Han: *singing* Hyper-hyper-hyper-hyper Speed, Hyper-hyper-hyper-hyp-er speed!  
Nyoke: Please be quiet.  
Han: *singing* Hyper-hyper-hyper-hyper Speed, Hyper-hyper-hyper-hyp-er speed!  
Nyoke: Please shut up.  
Han: *singing* Hyper-hyper-hyper-hyper Speed, Hyper-hyper-hyper-hyp-er speed!  
Nyoke puts his Light Clawber to Han's throat.  
Han: HEY! I'm driving here!  
Nyoke: Oh, right, sorry.  
Han: *singing* Hyper-hyper-hyper-hyper Speed, Hyper-hyper-hyper-hyp-er speed!  
Nyoke: *annoyed*  
  
Back at the Death Flea:  
Darth Hissnar: Now that you are awake Princess, we will now force you to tell us the location of your---  
Princess: *Yawn* Quadarant 362 Section 12.  
Darth Hissnar: Uh...thanks?  
Princess: Just let me go.  
Darth Hissnar: Umm...okay.  
Princess: hehe.  
So Darth Hissnar let the princess go, and the Darth Flea went to the wrong planet!  
(Note from the Princess: I've seen Star Wars already. Geese.)  
  
Nyoke and Han were following the Death Flea to this planet, and witnessed as they tried to blow it up!  
Darth Hissnar: Destroy the planet.  
New Weapons Officer: Yes sir.  
Darth Hissnar: -SWIPE!-  
  
Fellow actor: Uh sir, you weren't supposed to do that until AFTER he said it wasn't working.  
Darth Hissnar: Oops, sorry about that, can we start over?  
Fellow actor: You uh, already killed him sir.  
Darth Hissnar: ...  
Fellow actor: Riiiiiight...  
Darth Hissnar: Find someone who hasn't read the script yet.  
Fellow actor: Yes sir.  
  
*minutes later*  
  
Darth Hissnar: Destroy the planet.  
New, New Weapons Officer: *reads:* Yes sir.  
Darth Hissnar: Destroy the entire planet, and don't leave anything left.  
New, New Weapons Officer: *reads:* Yes sir. Umm, sir, there seems to be a problem with the fusion reactor.  
Darth Hissnar: Are you saying it can't work?  
New, New Weapons Officer: *reads:* Yes sir, we may be able to get it to work, bu... *reads ahead*  
New, New Weapons Officer: ...  
New, New Weapons Officer: It'll work now sir.  
Darth Hissnar: *confused* It will?  
New, New Weapons Officer: Yeah, sure it will *he lied*  
  
Darth Hissnar: Okay, do it then, I guess.  
New, New Weapons Officer: Yes sir! *mumbles to self:* Please work, I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die.  
Darth Hissnar: What?  
New, New Weapons Officer: Nothing.  
  
The New guy pressed a button and slid that slider thingy and the Death Flea began to power up! And then all of a sudden...  
  
It fired out of it's ass!  
New, New Weapons Officer: Oops, wrong way.  
Darth Hissnar: Ahem.  
New, New Weapons Officer: I'll get it right this time!  
  
The New guy pressed the same button, and slid the slider thingy the other way, and the Death Flea powered up again, only this time...  
  
  
--  
The legs of the flea came together, and the antennae started to fuse with gigavolts of electricity, darting back and forth, and then suddenly fluxed and became continuous! The Death Flea's eyes lit bright PINK, and it smiled a ghastly smile! The smile of the scratchyness!! The Death Flea fired the Flea beam, and the planet was infested by billions of Fleas! So many that the planet became sentient, grew a pair of arms, and then scratched itself until nothing was left!  
--  
  
New, New Weapons Officer: How's that supposed to work?  
Darth Hissnar: -SWIPE!-  
New, New Weapons Officer: Gaaaaaagh! *dies*  
Admiral MeowMix: Sir, with all due respect, how DOES that work?  
Darth Hissnar: No clue in Neko Hell. Just go with it.  
Admiral MeowMix: Yes sir, of course sir. *walks off as puzzled as you are*  
  
(Narrator: hehe)  
  
Memperor: You destroyed the wrong planet!?  
Darth Hissnar: Yes sir, I'm sorry sir. We blew it up before we checked.  
Memperor: ... -Then how do you know it was the wrong planet?  
Darth Hissnar: The Narrator told me.  
Narrator: Hi, wuz up?  
Memperor: What the..? Okay. So Mr. Narrator, where's there real base?  
Narrator: I dunno.  
Darth Hissnar: Yes you do, you're the one making this up.  
Narrator: Havn't decided yet.  
Memperor: Will you tell us when you do?  
Narrator: Nope.  
Darth Hissnar: Why not?  
Narrator: Because in a sec, I'll be back at Nyaboo.  
  
Back on Nyaboo:  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Mesa Jar Jar's Bwother. Mesa youngie-ers then himsies.  
Nyoke: How'd we get here?  
Buffy: Who are you?  
Nyoke: Wow you're cute.  
Buffy: Wha? Slap! Punch! Kick! Flip! WHACK!  
Nyoke: Owwwwwwww!  
  
Narrator: Oops, sorry, wrong person. *Replaces Buffy with Han*  
  
Han Solo: Where are we? Hey, what happened to you?  
Nyoke: Shut up.  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: He just goties his bum-bums kickied bysa strong girly slayer sa person.  
Han Solo: Damn, I'd rather listen to Chewy right now.  
Nyoke: What happened to him anyways?  
Han Solo: Narrator must'a forgotten about him.  
  
Narrator: Oops...sorry.  
  
Nyoke: Well then? Where is he?  
Narrator: I think he got off back when we were at Mealderan, he probably got bored without his usual lines.  
Han Solo: Can you bring him here?  
Narrator: Will do!  
Willow: Where am I?  
Narrator: CRAP! *replaces Willow with Chewbacca*  
  
Chewy: Rawwrraaa -cough, cough- ...rarwwwwwwwwwwwraar.  
Han Solo: Yeah, we know, we know.  
Nyoke: Know what?  
Han Solo: I don't know.  
Nyoke: Heh??  
  
M2N2: Bleep, bleeeeeep, bleep, bleep.  
Han Solo: Like we understand you any better.  
M2N2: Moron. Chewy said he's feeling sick and would like to go home.  
Han Solo: And then what'd you say?  
M2N2: ...  
Nyoko: ...  
Han Solo: ...  
Chewy: ...  
Evil Sith hiding behind a bush: ...  
Nyoko: Narrator, did you just say something?  
Narrator: What? No. (hehe)  
  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: How rude! Yousa not forgeting about mesa, ares yousa?  
Nyoke: *pokes Meow Meow*  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Whatsta is ities?  
Nyoke: Are you made of paper mesh, or clay?  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Mesa the besties in 3D graphicals engineeringdas and stuffies.  
Nyoke: Wow, you even feel for a trick question.  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Howsa me supposed to know, they didn't givies me a scripties.  
  
Narrator: I was afraid he'd eat it. He's still teething.  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Nosa mees NOT! *tooth hurts* Owwwies.  
Nyoke: Hey, don't the Memperor and Darth Hissnar have the script too?  
Han Solo: *shrugs* I guess.  
Nyoke: Then they know where we are?  
Han Solo: *shrugs* I guess.  
Nyoke: So they could be headed here and kill us before the story is supposed to end?  
Han Solo: *shrugs* I guess...Oh shit, you're right!  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Mesa gosies now.  
  
And with that, Meow Meow trips, falls into a bouncy oil pit, bounces up,  
lands in the M-Pawing cockpit, which goes into auto-pilot, and flies off  
to the Death Flea.  
  
Nyoko: Think he cou--  
Han Solo: Not a chance in Hell. Or Neko Hell.  
Nyoko: Anikan could do it.  
Han Solo: That was a whole 'nother galaxy.  
Nyoko: Right, and it didn't even happen in an MSN IM far, far away.  
  
Narrator: Niether is this.  
Nyoko: What?  
Narrator: Sascha left a long time ago.  
Nyoko: She did?  
Chewy: Raaaaaaaaawrrrrr!!!  
Narrator: Sorry.  
Han Solo: So where is this now?  
  
  
Narrator: ... In a Notepad document far, far away, which will  
eventually become a Word document, get reformatted, and then  
printed, and then--  
  
Nyoko: Yeah, yeah, we get the point.  
Han Solo: Yeah, no doubt, he'd have gone on for hours.  
Narrator: Shut up; let's go see how Meow Meow is doing now.  
  
(In the M-Pawing)  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Ohsa shities! Mesa gonna die!  
Jar Jar Binks (voice): Usies the Forcies, Meow Meow.  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Mesa can usies the forcies?  
Jar Jar Binks (voice): Whysa noties?  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Okie, mesa try.  
  
All of a sudden, the M-Pawing transformed to include Gungan technologies!!  
Jar Jar Binks (voice): Wow, yousa powerfulest one now.  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Mesa am?  
Jar Jar Binks (voice): No, yousa still get all blowdies aways by da big giant flea.  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Mesa gonna dies?  
Jar Jar Binks (voice): .......mesa gosies now.  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Hey brodersa! Yousies donsa goes on mees!  
....  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Brodersa? Aww Bantha foder!  
  
The Gungan Meow-Wing now flew at Ultra Hyper Speed 5--  
Han Solo: Ahem.  
*sigh*  
The Gungan Meow-Wing now flew at Hyper-hyper-hyper-hyper-hyper speed towards the Death Flea!  
Han Solo smiled.  
Narrator kicked han in the ass.  
Han Solo shot me with his blaster...and I said ouch.  
  
--  
The incredible new ship, piloted by the suddenly Jedi Gungan (Jedi because he's using the  
Force, not the Purorce), flew straight at the Death Flea at...the earlier mentioned speed!  
Then the ship came out of...the earlier mentioned speed...and began to attack the Death  
Flea! Meow Meow's only way, he found, into the Flea, was in the ear!  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Mesa seen Spaceballs, hehe.  
He flew in, shot the reactor, and got back out!  
And then, he realized he wasn't fighting a giant flea...he was fighting a giant maid with  
a Vacuum Cleaner... Meow-Meow-Clinks: What the fuckies?  
--  
  
Narrator: You went to the wrong set, Meow Meow. Come back over here.  
  
Meow-Meow-Clinks: Oh, okiday.  
  
But now, Meow Meow was lost...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Nyoke: Can I blow that damned flea up yet?  
Han Solo: What are you talking about?  
Nyoke: Well, all I needed was this damned ring. I could have destroyed it already.  
Han Solo: Why havn't you?  
Nyoke: We fell out of the script a while ago, and I'm not sure when it's supposed to end.  
Han Solo began to feel sick: Geese, just do it then already, make it end! Make the MADNESS END!  
  
Nyoke: Meowkay.  
  
Han Solo: ...  
Han Solo: Alright, I suppose I can take you in my Milleniu--What the fuck?  
Before Han could finish, Nyoke already went in and took to flight the Millenium Catnyan!  
Han Solo: At least I'll get it back when he's done. *he said to himself, in doubt*  
  
Darth Hissnar: Nyoke! I am your FATHER!! Ahem, FATHER!!  
Memperor: What are you doing?  
Darth Hissnar: Rehearsing my line.  
Memperor: Oh, okay. You know I have to kill you right?  
Darth Hissnar: No, you get *meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow* and then I *meowmeowmeowmeowmeow*.  
Memperor: What??  
Darth Hissnar: Sorry, it got cut out, don't want to spoil the ending.  
Memperor: Oh okay, makes sense.  
  
Nyoke: Time to kill them, time to kill them, and then I have to act all surprised when he tells  
me he's my dad. *sigh*  
  
Nyoke reached the Death Flea and landed in the Flea Bay.  
Nyoke: Damn, the name just makes me want to stop and *scratches himself with his back-right paw*, yeah...  
  
Darth Hissnar: Welcome to the Death Flea. Over here we have the food court, and over there, we have  
the suspiciously gigantic object that turns out to be a secret power generator, and...wait a minute...  
  
Nyoke: I think the narrator said we kick each other's asses, not you show be a tour of the masses.  
Darth Hissnar: Damn, I think you're right. Oh well. I'm hungry.  
Nyoke: Me too, I havn't eaten since this stupid thing started.  
Darth Hissnar: Me neither. *sigh*  
Nyoke: So how are ya' dad?  
Darth Hissnar: Oh I'm just fi--CRAP!  
Nyoke: What?  
Darth Hissnar: You messed it up! All that practice on that one line for nothing!  
Nyoke: You can still say it.  
Darth Hissnar: Oh, alright. Nyoke! I am your FATHER!  
Nyoke: Meh, the guy in the bar said it better.  
Darth Hissnar: Yeah, I agree.  
Nyoke: So where've you been all my life? The whole evil bit?  
Darth Hissnar: Yeah pretty much.  
Nyoke: Well that was good.  
Darth Hissnar: What?  
Nyoke: You've been zoning out a lot, I've already eaten.  
Darth Hissnar: Damn. We have to fight then, don't we?  
Nyoke: Yup.  
Darth Hissnar: Okay.  
  
  
They fight...a looooooong...boooooooooring...fiiiiiiiight.  
Usual pow pow, jump around, swish, spark, crackle, pop, Crapllog's Rice Crappies!  
  
...Ahem...  
  
Hissnar: Nyoke, I am sorry I wasn't there for you all this time, but...  
  
Darth Hissnar, rips off his mask to reveal a cute wise kitty face! (Who says he  
had to be ugly too?) And then he threw his Light Clawber into the Memperor's chest!  
  
Hissnar: My real name is Cute Meow Wisenar! And I'll be here for you from now  
on my son! And I'll be here for your sister too!  
Nyoke: So my last name is Wisenar?  
Cute: No, you have your mother's last name.  
Nyoke: Which is?  
Cute: Nyonar...Aren't you interested that you have a sister?  
Nyoke: Oh I already knew that.  
  
Memperor: Excuse me, I still have a fucking huge Clawber in my chest...  
Cute: Oh, be quiet. *Cute used the purorce to blow the Memperor up!*  
Nyoke: Wow, that was easy.  
Cute: Yup. Okay, now you gotta transport as all to a nice pretty place,  
and blow all this bad stuff up, using your ring there, kay?  
  
Nyoke: Yes sir! *He summoned the powers of the Purorce, and of the Ring!  
  
POOF! BOOM!  
  
All the evil ships were destroyed, and all the good guys were transported  
somewhere else!  
  
--  
These are the voyagers of the MeowShip Pawterprise...  
--  
  
M2N2: You moron.  
Cute: What happened?  
Nyoko: I think we're in the Meow Trek series now.  
Han Solo: I knew the ring was fake.  
Nyoko: Oh shut up!  
Meow 3Paw0: Oh my.  
M2N2: Where'd you come from?  
*Everyone stares at M2N2*  
M2N2: Bleep, bleep bleep...Bleep?  
  
THE END 


End file.
